Spam

I got an email with the subject "See How Smart You Are - Take Our Free IQ Test." I couldn't figure out how to open the test.

Another email was bannered; "Al - Learn how to qualify." When I opened it I discovered that the body was blank. Apparently I'm unlikely to become qualified anytime soon.

"Al: Go to the bathroom more often" got my attention but the message itself was incoherent. I think it's from the same doctor who wants me to quit wearing my bra to bed.

Another trumpeted "Are you paying too much for auto insurabce, [double sic] let us quote you." I wasn't sure how that would do any good, but I sent them a few lines I thought they could use anyway.

I have 17 messages promising, for a price, "clinically proven" techniques for "natural male enhancement." I have questions. Natural male? As opposed to....? Where exactly are these clinics? What do they look like? And most importantly, if I buy and use each of these "techniques" in series are the effects cumulative? I mean, wow! Maybe I'd have to use turn signals.

To assuage my girl side, I looked for corresponding messages offering "natural female enhancements" and am happy to report that those born or converted to this state have an even larger offering to consider and apparently many more things that could do with some "enhancement." I believe that the cumulative thing is applicable here also.

The religious right is in on the act too. I'm promised a date with "Sexy Christian Singles" and told "How to get rid of Debt the Christian way." War, I guess. Or maybe get the lenders dates with sexy Christian singles and in their bliss they'd forgive all the loans. Ya think?

Over the past three weeks I've received 15,356 spam mail messages selling, promising, giving away, and soliciting just about everything imaginable. Thanks be unto Google for sequestering it, but I must admit that my visit to this strange place has been entertaining. I'll go back soon, say sometime in 2012.