31.5.07

Suppose They Gave A War And I went?

The set-up (1):
Son, Daughter, you must believe that you are proof against those
Seeking to destroy you.
Your fathers are proud, and your mothers no more scared
Than they should be.

The set-up (2):
Your sacrifice is necessary even if it is
Your all.
Our lies are no greater than those told
By your parents.

The preparation (1):
Take this holiness and eat for this
Is your Body.
Take this holiness and drink for this
Is your Blood.

The preparation (2):
One-fifty-one and little white pills and it feels like
You can’t remember.
The future just a history not yet real
But it will be.

The preparation (3):
I will soothe you with my body for it may
Be your last.
My arms are wide open so come to me
And breathe the peace of Venus.

The learning:
Balsa, intrepid shield against an avalanche
Of ton boulders.
Squint your eyes against the nightly vision
Of torn bodies.

Getting there:
Slopes of pure white, vast, immense,
I adore you, goodbye.
Spots of green and brown on endless blue,
I love you, goodbye.

Being there (1):
Soft eyes of Catholic plea,
How can I help?
Just don’t ask me to save a choking child since
I don’t know the trick.

Being there (2):
Doe eyed girl of little past, skin like
Fresh chocolate milk.
It isn’t necessary, your ardor, unless
You really want to.

Being there (3):
Discovery of the other side, mine, and what it means
Frees me forever.
Your sweat smells different but I love it just the same so thank you
Child of Mars.

Being there (4):
Brilliance with no peer and loving too, the thought of lunch
Makes you hungry.
You’ll catch up you say but you never do,
So why did you off yourself?

The Choice:
Want to go fly? It’s so cool at a click
Straight up.
No man, way too tired, I’m racking it so now I’m not but they
Are all dead.

R&R in the Morning:
Dress for the paddy and draw a .45 because you may need
To shoot someone.
It’s easy to find, no contest at all, just
Head for the smoke.

The witness - son:
Left thigh split open like a cheap
Pork hot dog.
Carnal howl forever frozen in
Timeless agony.

The witness - daughter:
One soft and pink, the other turgid and black
Your two breasts wink.
Impossible baby will suckle them for milk
That cannot flow.

The witness - Milo:
Your eyes are wide man, and your feelings
Stink of vomit.
Didn’t think it possible, did you, rich kid from the barrio
Of High Aspen?

The witness - me:
Falling through the vault of Heaven feeling what
I can’t imagine.
The screaming was just metal burning for
You were already gone.

The witness - God:
They are of me, and I of them, and that is everything but
They cannot see it.
I want to believe in them but
They wear me out.

Return:
I protected you - no not from them, those little farmers, but
From your masters.
The one domino that did fall hit me on the head and
Nothing will ever be the same.

10.5.07

A Place of Power

I was in a place in the mountainous forests of western North Carolina so right, so perfect in itself, so magical that it took my breath away. And in this place I was accompanied by people who fit that moment and that place just as perfectly.

For two days I got to play at working with my maybe, perhaps, just might be, new job at a wilderness boarding school for adolescent boys who have adjustment difficulties ranging from ADHD to ODD. I've written about this before so I won't belabor the details, but two experienced counselors and I were given the responsibility of working with ten boys aged 14 to 17. The school's main campus has all the modern amenities but the boys do not live there. Depending on age and program progress each of the boys is assigned to one of five campsites which are remote from each other and from the campus.

The campsite I was assigned to is the most remote; perhaps two or three miles over difficult trails from the school's entrance, and in the late afternoon sun, fully provisioned for the weekend, we set out for the site. The trail followed the shore of a sparkling lake before it climbed to the top of a ridge, plunged down the side of a deep gorge through a series of switchbacks, and ascended the opposite side. Once across the gorge the going was a bit easier, a distance where mountain laurel formed a living tunnel, brighter glades were lined with pink lady slippers, and towering oak and maple giants, energetic with their new greening, blocked out direct sunlight. As we neared the camp the boys became quiet and increased their pace, as though they were intent on getting there without delay.

We rounded the final bend and I had my first look at where they lived. I understood their eagerness, instantly and completely. On an alluvial fan that terminated the gorge we had crossed earlier they had built the only home they would know for the one or two years they would spend at the school. Trees covered a high ridge on the far side of the site, and a bold stream raced downhill between them and the camp itself. There were three buildings, each showing the workmanship of the earnest but inexperienced young hands that had built them. A raised composting latrine was located off to one side, while a lean-to shed with a fire pit constituted their kitchen and dining hall. They cook and eat in that shed whenever they aren't at the main campus for academic classes, doctor visits, and like things. Snow, darkness, cold, rain, wind - it doesn't matter; that's where perhaps 50% of their meals are taken. Near the center stood the bunkhouse, a rustic thing on stilts, uninsulated, but heated by a single wood burning stove. No electrical power. No running water other than the trickle from a hand pump. No televisions or computers or PS3 games. Nothing but the greening of things, the rush of water through the stream bed, and the whisper of wind through the trees.

Between the buildings the boys had built a beautiful and extensive rock garden, a frog pond complete with lily pads, a group meeting place, and had sculpted a dozen faces into large pieces of driftwood which they then hung like a huge wind chime. Twisting trails cobbled with stream-rounded rocks wended between all these things so that they might be better admired close at hand. When we arrived the sun had just reached the top of the far ridge, and the entire site was bathed in that beautiful late afternoon golden yellow glow so prized by photographers.

This is a place of power. In the Celestine Prophecy there is a place in this part of the state that is called so. This isn't that place, but it has to be a close second. I think I know what the first person to discover Machu Picchu must have felt like. I encountered something that has to be what and where it is. There is no better place for this camp.

To a person, the students are highly intelligent and in various stages of dealing with their internal impulses. One of the younger boys is working on, among other things, controlling his language. At the campus he had trouble constructing sentences without at least one “damn” or “fuck” in it. This is a problem because one of the other boys takes immediate offense and open warfare ensues. When we got to the camp I noticed that he had toned things down and complimented him. He asked if I wanted to see what made him completely calm and beckoned for me to follow. At the edge of the stream, behind a tree sat a little stone statue of The Buddha. He leaned over it, rubbed it's belly, patted its head, turned to the stream and started singing, first the Beatles Let It Be, then the refrain from Gloria in Excelsis Deo. “It works,” he said, “I'll be fine the rest of the night.” He was. Another boy, really a young man and the oldest in the group, appeared very well adjusted and I told him so. He said “You should have met me when I got here a year and a half ago, you wouldn't say that. The kids who are new here would never understand it if I told them that I'll miss this place, this camp, when I graduate in a few weeks.”

Before dinner was cooked over an open fire - pasta with tomato or marinara sauce, salad, dense bread, peas, corn and beans - everyone attended to their assigned chores; sweeping out the bunk house, adding wood chips to the latrine compost pit, tending to the frogs and plants, pumping water for washing, gathering firewood, and generally pushing back against the tides of entropy. As I watched and participated I couldn't get images of Wendy's Lost Boys or thoughts of the denizens of Lord of the Flies out of my head. It was so appropriate.

After eating and cleaning up everyone had time to read by flashlight before the ten o'clock curfew. Maybe it was a special night, but there were no problems with any of the boys, something the experienced counselors say isn't all that common. Sleep came swiftly to all of us.

Morning found the temperature at a brisk 38 degrees and, after a bit of groggy stumbling around, the boys cooked a breakfast of eggs and veggie sausage. After food we headed to the campus for a science class and then on to the lake to fish for that night's dinner. At first I thought it was my imagination, but as we walked away from the camp the boys became less relaxed and started showing some signs of the behavior that had got them into the school in the first place. But no, it wasn't imagination at all. The other counselors said they see it all the time, and to prove their point, when we returned to the campsite later that day the metamorphosis was repeated. Boys who had been unruly and difficult on campus started to mellow out just as thy had only a day before.

A place of power indeed.